Watch & Learn
Video content from Mark's workshops, keynotes, and conversations about communication and connection.
4 Steps to Getting Your Own Way — Every Time
Most people fail to get their own way not because their idea is bad — but because they skip four steps. Here they are. Step 1 — Curious Ask genuine questions before you say anything. Not loaded questions. Real ones. What do you think? How did you get there? What matters most to you about this? Be actually interested. Because if you're not, they'll know. Step 2 — Repeat Play it back. "So what I'm hearing is..." This proves you were listening. It shows them they've been understood. And it makes sure you actually got it right. Step 3 — Agree Find something you genuinely agree with. Not fake agreement, real agreement. Because there's always something. This is the moment the conversation shifts — they stop defending and start listening. Step 4 — Persuade Now you go. Now they're open. Now your argument has somewhere to land. Because you've earned it. And if it's not working? Don't push harder. Go back to Curious. This is called CRAP. Curious. Repeat. Agree. Persuade. Write it down. Use it today.
I Have Brilliant Ideas. My Wife Has One Word for Them.
My wife has a one-word response to all of my ideas. It's "no." For years I couldn't figure out why. The ideas were good. Some of them were genuinely brilliant. But every single one got the same response — before I'd even finished the sentence. Then I figured out what I was doing wrong. I was an Orange detonating ideas all over a Blue. Full energy, no warm-up, no curiosity, no foundation. I was going straight to Persuade — and persuade without foundation is just noise. What I needed to do was talk CRAP first. C — Curious. Ask what she thinks before I say what I think. R — Repeat. Actually hear her concerns, not just wait for them to stop. A — Agree. Find the genuine point where I see her side. P — Persuade. Now I go. With all of that underneath me. The difference? She feels heard before I've made my case. And a person who feels heard is open. Getting your own way starts with getting out of your own way.
August 2026The Santa Joke That Explains Everything
Santa was having a terrible day. Elves on strike. Fuel prices through the roof. Days behind on the list, with Christmas closing in. Then the angel appeared at the door holding a pine tree and said brightly: "Santa — where would you like me to put this?" And that's how the angel ended up on top of the Christmas tree. Where she remains to this day. The lesson The angel did nothing wrong. She was just trying to help. But Santa was already burning — and her perfectly innocent question became kindling for a fire he was already carrying. That's Backdraft. Not the kind where you misread someone's flame colour. The sneakier kind — where you were already on fire, and someone else's harmless message just walked into it. A Blue who's been stewing all day. An Orange who's already wound up. Then someone innocent says something a fraction too brisk, and boom. They didn't light the fire. They were just the kindling. Try this When disproportionate heat rises, pause and ask: "Am I reacting to what they meant, or how they said it — and was I already burning before they arrived?" That's your fire extinguisher. Next time you snap at someone who didn't deserve it — remember Santa, the angel, and the pine tree. Their intent was fine. You were just already on fire.
August 2026Checking the Temperature
Here's a simple technique for avoiding Backdraft. I call it Checking the Temperature. Before you respond to any message or conversation that makes you feel even slightly hot under the collar, ask yourself three questions. One. Is this actually about what they just said — or is this about something older? Two. What's the most generous possible interpretation of what they meant? Three. If my best friend sent me this exact message, would I still feel burned? If the answer to question three is no, you're Backdrafting. The heat is coming from you, not them. This takes about ten seconds. Ten seconds before you send that reply. Ten seconds before you fire back in that meeting. Ten seconds before the conversation turns into something neither of you wanted. Check the temperature. Then respond. You'll be amazed how many explosions never happen.
August 2026The Listicle
Five Signs You're About to Backdraft Someone One. You've already decided how this conversation is going to go before it starts. Two. You're reading their message in the most negative possible tone — in your own head. Three. Something they said just reminded you of something someone else did. Three years ago. Four. You're responding to their history with you, not what they actually just said. Five. Your fingers are typing before you've even finished reading. Any of those land? Here's the thing about Backdraft. It's not your fault. It's human. We all carry heat from previous fires — old arguments, old wounds, old versions of this exact conversation. But when someone opens a door on us, and we explode back at them, they feel the burn. Even though they didn't start the fire. Awareness is everything. Notice the heat before you open the door.
August 2026Improve your image - improve your sound
Improve your image by improving your sound!
August 2026Backdraft
Ever been offended by something someone said — and then found out they meant something completely different? That's not a communication problem. That's Backdraft. In the OPEN Flames world, every time we communicate we're passing a flame. We each have a natural flame colour — the way we send information, and the way we receive it. Here's the thing: people's intent is almost always good. It's not what they said. It's how they said it. And that "how" is their flame colour landing on yours. Here are 5 signs it's happening to you right now: You finish someone's sentence in your head before they've finished it out loud You feel hurt or angry — but you haven't asked what they actually meant You're already planning your comeback while they're still talking Someone's short with you and you assume they're angry — when they're just busy You've had an argument about something the other person swears they never said Next time that flash of irritation hits, ask yourself this before you react: "Am I reacting to what they meant — or just how they said it?" That one question will save you more arguments than you can imagine.
August 2026Fake it Till You Make it
"Fake it till you make it" gets dismissed as motivational fluff. I'd like to push back on that. Here's what it actually means — and why the science backs it up. You can't directly decide to feel confident. You can't think your way out of anxiety. Emotions are stubborn. They don't respond well to commands. But language? Language is remarkably responsive. You can choose your words right now, in this conversation, before you've changed a single thing about your circumstances. And here's what happens when you consistently choose better language: you start thinking those thoughts. And while you're thinking them, you can't simultaneously think the opposite. Beliefs shape feelings. Feelings shape thoughts. Thoughts shape words. But the chain also works in reverse. Words → Thoughts → Feelings → Beliefs. Words are the easiest entry point. Not fake. Not dishonest. Just strategically choosing the most useful version of your truth. That's not toxic positivity. That's intelligent self-leadership.
August 2026Start the Conversation Right
Try This in Your Next Conversation Next time someone asks how you are, don't say "fine." Don't say "busy." Don't say "not bad." Say one genuinely good thing. Something real. Something specific. "I had a great conversation with a client this morning." "I figured something out today that had been bugging me for weeks." "We're making real progress on something that actually matters." Then watch what happens. Watch the energy shift in the room. Watch how the other person leans in and responds differently. Watch how you feel, two minutes into the conversation, compared to how you felt at the start. We're conditioned to bond over busyness and struggle — it feels relatable, safe, easy. But it quietly sets a ceiling on the conversation before it's even begun. One good thing. Said out loud. To another human being. That's where momentum starts.
August 20265 Ways to Change Your Mood With Your Mouth
Are Your Words Working Against You? We all know that words matter when we’re communicating with other people. But what about the words you use when you’re talking about yourself? There are phrases we throw around every day without giving them a second thought. They sound harmless. They’re often true. But repeated often enough, they can quietly shape how you think, how you behave and how other people perceive you. Here are five worth challenging. 1. “I’m exhausted.” Try: “I’m ready for a good night’s sleep.” You’re still tired. You’re not pretending otherwise. But instead of reinforcing depletion, you’re focusing on what you need next. 2. “This is a nightmare.” Try: “This is a challenge I’m working through.” One puts you at the mercy of the situation. The other puts you back in the driver’s seat. The problem hasn’t changed. Your position in relation to the problem has. 3. “I can’t afford it.” Try: “That’s not where my money’s going right now.” Sometimes “I can’t afford it” is absolutely true. But often, what we really mean is, “That’s not a priority for me.” There’s a big difference between having no choice and making a choice. 4. “I’m so stressed.” Try: “I’ve got a lot on, and I’m handling it.” You can acknowledge pressure without handing it the microphone. You have a lot on. And you’re dealing with it. That’s a very different message. 5. “I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” Try: “I’m figuring it out and getting better every day.” This isn’t about toxic positivity. It’s not about pretending everything is fine when it isn’t. It’s about giving yourself language that leaves the door open for a solution. Your words are doing more than you think. Every time you speak, you’re reinforcing a story. About yourself. About your circumstances. About what’s possible. And other people are listening to that story too. Your words can make you sound defeated or capable. Reactive or considered. Stuck or resourceful. That’s why communication isn't just about choosing the right words for other people. It starts with becoming aware of the words you habitually use yourself. So, here’s the challenge: Pick one phrase you use regularly. Change it for a week. Not because the new version is “more positive”. Because it might be more useful. And sometimes, changing the way you talk is the first step towards changing the way you think, respond and lead. What are you saying that might be working against you?
August 2026The 3 C's of presentation
Want to nail any speech, any pitch, any tricky conversation? There's only three things you actually need. The three C's — a framework I picked up from Peter Novak. Number one — comfortable. Not comfortable like nothing bothers you. Comfortable with your discomfort. And that only comes one way — rehearsing. You practice your way into calm. Number two — conversational. Drop the “presentation voice.” Nobody trusts that tone. Breathe. Pause. Let it sound like you talking to a person, not reading at a room. And here's the thing — that only shows up once you're comfortable. Here's what most people get wrong about conversational: they think it means winging it. It doesn't. Conversational is a tool — and you can't use a tool you haven't practiced. You want to take the audience with you. That takes rehearsal. Sounding natural is not the same as being unprepared. Number three — confidence. When you know what you're doing, it shows. You walk in backing yourself, and people feel that before you've said a word. Comfortable. Conversational. Confident. Get those three stacked in order, and you'll nail it. Every time.
August 2026Failing to Plan is Planning to Fail!
Here's a paradox: the best "off the cuff" moments are never actually off the cuff. Failing to plan is planning to fail. The better prepared you are, the more you can deviate from the plan and riff — because you've actually got something to riff from. No plan, nothing to bend. You're just making it up. I've used this everywhere — radio, council, funerals, the stage, the classroom. And every time I've fallen flat on my face, it's come down to the same thing: not being prepared, thinking I was better than I am. The more prepared I am, the more spontaneous I get to be.
August 2026Shine My Light
There’s one question that squashes the fear of public speaking for good — and it has nothing to do with you. Ask yourself: where am I shining my light? When we speak, our biggest fear is all about us. How do I look? What do they think of me? Is my voice squeaking? That’s you, shining the light straight back on yourself. But turn that light around — shine it on your audience — and the worry changes completely. Now you’re only asking the questions that matter: are they taking in what I’m putting out? Are they picking up what I’m putting down? Are they feeling it? Think of a spotlight. Pointed at you, you’re blinded — you can’t see a thing. Pointed at them, everything changes. And the fear has nowhere left to live.
July 2026Wavelengths
Right now, your brain is trying to sync up with someone else's — but thanks to scrolling, you've got about half a second to make it happen. That's not a metaphor. Scientists have found that when two people are truly in flow together, their brainwaves rise and fall in sync. Even their pupils dilate together. And here's why it matters more than ever: the U.S. Surgeon General has declared loneliness a public health epidemic, with health impacts comparable to smoking up to fifteen cigarettes a day. We're more "connected" than any generation in history — and lonelier than ever. The Dalai Lama's take cuts through the noise: we're not built to go it alone. We're pack animals. We survive because of the tribe, not despite it. So the real skill isn't charisma. It's getting onto someone else's wavelength, fast, on purpose. That's what this week is about. Facebook Ever notice how some conversations just click — and others feel like you're speaking two different languages? 🎧 Turns out that's not just a feeling. When two people are truly connected, their brainwaves actually start moving in sync. Even their pupils dilate together. But here's the catch: thanks to scrolling, we've all got a much smaller window to make that happen than we used to.
July 2026A Speech is Only Three Things
Here’s the one thing almost everyone gets wrong about public speaking. We think giving a great speech is some terrifying, rare gift — you’ve either got it or you haven’t. Rubbish. A great, engaging speech is just three simple things: 1. Killer content — something genuinely worth saying 2. Stunning delivery — the way you bring it to life 3. A likeable personality — someone the room actually wants to listen to That’s it. That’s the whole game. And when you see it as just three boxes to tick, it stops being scary and starts being the easiest thing in the world.
July 2026Glossophobia
Scared of public speaking? Good. That means you’re human. A hundred people staring at you normally means you’re in strife — so of course your body panics. But here’s the reframe I give everyone I coach: The moment you walk on stage, you’re not 6 foot — you’re 12. Add a microphone? Loudest war cry in the room. Throw you up on the big screen? Your head’s 15 feet high. The odds just flipped. And those 100 people aren’t there to fight you — they’re there to HEAR you. This week I’m giving away everything I know about standing up and absolutely nailing it. Because beating that fear is one of the greatest joys you can have with your clothes on.
July 2026Sound Bites
If You're writing a speech - never fear the cheese!
March 2026